


mounting mars

by thunderylee



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, Romance, side original male character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-04
Updated: 2011-09-04
Packaged: 2019-01-27 14:53:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12584320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: What he isn’t doing right is being straight.





	mounting mars

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

“‘Mounting Venus’,” Maru reads from the Kindle app on his phone. “‘The Art of…'” He gasps. “Koki!”

“Not the art of Koki,” Koki corrects him, a bright, knowing grin on his face. “‘The Art of Cunnilingus’!”

Maru glares at him. “I regret giving you guys my Kindle address,” he mumbles. “Kame keeps sending me history books that even _I_ find boring, and Jin sends me whatever’s free and explicit on Amazon. What is this?!”

“Your birthday present,” Koki replies, slugging Maru on the arm like homeboys do. It only hurts a little, but Maru doesn’t wince. “It’s in English, but you can read that, right? I bet you really only need to look at the pictures anyway.”

Maru makes the mistake of opening the file and immediately backs out of it. “I didn’t get this to look at porn, you know.”

“It’s not _porn_ ,” Koki insists. “It’s educational. Trust me, this book is like the straight man’s bible.”

“That’s a little sacrilegious,” Maru points out. “And what makes you think I need it?”

“Yuichi, bro,” Koki says, in English, and Maru rolls his eyes. “Your girlfriends never stick around. Clearly you’re not doing something right.”

What Maru isn’t doing right has nothing to do with the bedroom. They usually don’t even make it that far, but Koki doesn’t need to know that. He’s not a virgin, but he’s only done it a couple times and each one leaves him more confused than before. It shouldn’t take that much liquor to get him interested in a girl.

“Thanks,” is all he says, adding it to the folder with all of Jin’s trashy novels. “You’re a good friend.”

Koki claps him on the back and shakes him a bit, and Maru tries to stop his heart from racing. What he isn’t doing right is being straight.

*

It’s easier to talk to Jin since he left. All Maru has to do is type in a box. What comes back is usually a jumble of insults and mockery, but there’s no tone or judgment accompanying it. And as much as Jin makes fun of him, he takes everything to the grave. He’s Maru’s bitchpost for university complaints and first-world problems and KAT-TUN drama, although he goes easy on the last one for obvious reasons.

_Koki got me Mounting Venus: The Art of Cunnilingus for my birthday_, he types, making a face at the word. He supposes he should be grateful it doesn’t say ‘vagina’. _Somehow I feel it would be better suited for you than me._

The reply comes almost immediately. _What are you talking about? I’m an expert cunnilinguist. Don’t insult me like that, Big Nose. I make bitches see GOD._

Maru cringes a bit at the mental picture he gets. _Giving that book to me is like giving it to Kame._

Instead of a notification, his phone rings. Maru rolls his eyes at Jin wasting international long-distance minutes on this and doesn’t even have a chance to say anything before Jin screams “DID YOU JUST COME OUT TO ME OVER EMAIL?!” like it’s the most appalling thing in the world.

“I don’t _know_ ,” Maru whines, heaving the sigh of a thousand men as he closely examines the paint on his wall. “All I know is that girls gross me out. Just the thought of doing… ugh.”

“Well, do you like boys?” Jin asks simply, with the air of someone who has this conversation a lot. “Would you rather suck a dick?”

“Jin!” Maru exclaims, his face burning.

“It’s a valid question!” Jin says. “Unless you’re completely asexual, you do one or the other. Or both, whatever.”

“I-I don’t know, okay?” Maru hides his face in his hands, hissing into his phone like his dog is going to hear and ridicule him, too. “I just know I don’t like girls. At all. There is nothing about them that appeals to me. Especially _that_.”

“Oh, man, this is insane,” Jin says, sounding _elated_. “I’ve got some shit to do this weekend, but you can come out if you want.”

“Come out?” Maru squeaks.

“To Los Angeles,” Jin clarifies with a laugh. “Nobody knows you here. You can be as gay as you want. I could even hook you up, you know. I know people of all orientations.”

Maru laughs. “I’m in the middle of Dream Boys, Jin. I can’t even celebrate my own birthday until October.”

“Come in October, then,” Jin says. “I’ll email you my address. Just tell me when you’re heading out and I’ll make time. It’s worth it for your sexual awakening.”

“My sexual awakening,” Maru repeats slowly, half scandalized and half intrigued as he looks at his schedule.

“In the meantime,” Jin goes on, “what kind of guys do you like? Just so I can start looking around. I can throw you a late birthday party or something. Do you like the manly men, or more girly types like Kame? I actually think I know a dude who used to be a chick if you’re into that. Or maybe-”

“Jin,” Maru interrupts, clutching at his chest from the level of trauma he’s experiencing right now. “One thing at a time, please. And no parties.”

“Dude, it’s your birthday,” Jin protests. “You _have_ to have a party. A real one.”

“No parties,” Maru says firmly. “Or I’m not coming.”

Jin laughs. “Whatever, you’ll still come either way.”

He’s right. Maru’s already booking his flight as they speak.

*

Maru tries. He peeks through his fingers and reads what he can of That Book, practices moving his tongue, and considers every unrelated female he knows. But no matter how hard he forces himself to think about doing _that_ , he can’t stop his mind from wandering in complete disinterest.

“I don’t like girls,” he says out loud, to Kame, and Kame looks up from his book with big eyes behind equally as big glasses.

He immediately puts down the book, stands up, and envelops Maru in a tight hug. It feels nice, if not backwards – the youngest comforting the oldest. Even after all this time, Maru still takes care of Kame, but it’s nice to be taken care of himself for once.

“Welcome to the club,” Kame says with a chuckle, pulling back enough to smile sympathetically up at Maru.

“There’s a club?” Maru jokes. “Is there a membership card?”

“There may as well be,” Kame answers, only a little bitterly. “The Broken Hearts Club, because it’s damn near impossible to be gay and happy in Japan.”

“Jin thinks I should go to L.A.,” Maru tells him. “For my ‘sexual awakening’.”

Kame snorts. “I could welcome you to that club, too.”

“What do you mean by that?” Maru asks carefully. He’s not sure he’s ready for the answer.

“Akanishi,” Kame says, then sighs. “Jin. I went to him, too, when I first realized I was gay. He’s surprisingly easy to talk to about it. Was. Is.”

“Yeah, I get that.” Maru scratches the back of his head awkwardly. “I guess it’s common in his crew.”

Kame smiles wistfully. “He didn’t have his crew back then, Yuichi. It was just us.”

“Ah.” Maru can practically see the past fly through Kame’s head, and brings him back to the present day with his next statement. “I thought you were talking about the awakening.”

That has Kame’s laughing. “I can’t even think of you that way. You’re like my older brother. Another one.”

Maru’s relief must show on his face, because Kame laughs again and returns to their embrace. It feels natural to hug him like this, even if Maru is more clinging onto him as the reality of the situation weighs down on him.

“I’m scared, Kazu,” he says quietly. “I don’t know if I want to be awakened. I’ve hardly been with girls. I-”

“Shh,” Kame soothes him, gently patting his back. “It’ll be okay. Jin won’t let anything bad happen to you. You can trust him.”

“It’s so weird hearing you stand up for him,” Maru says.

“Oh, stop, you act like we got divorced or something,” Kame scoffs as they part. “It was never like that with him. He may be supportive, but he’s totally into women. Everyone knows this.”

“Yeah,” Maru agrees. “He says he has friends, and… yeah.”

“I’m sure they’ll be very helpful,” Kame tells him pointedly. “Just keep an open mind, okay? It’s okay to live for the moment if you’ll never see them again.”

Maru blinks at the implication. “Are you telling me to..?”

“Yes,” Kame answers firmly. “I am. Just do it, get it over with, and then you can be miserable like the rest of us.”

The door swings open and Koki walks in. “Such serious faces!” he exclaims. “What’s up, guys?”

“Yuichi plays for my team,” Kame says bluntly, and Maru cringes a little.

Koki turns to look at Maru. “Oh. Cool. More chicks for me.”

He grins and smacks them both on the ass as he passes through.

Maru really should have expected it, but the next time he checks his phone, ‘The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio’ has been added to his Kindle account.

*

Los Angeles is bright. And hot. Maru’s been here before, but it was for work and he didn’t really get a chance to see more than the city streets. Jin’s hotel is up by Hollywood, which involves a lot of scenery that Maru’s only seen in postcards and green-screen movies.

Aubree picks him up at the airport because it’s seven-thirty in the morning and Jin can’t be assed to get up that early. Time zones make Maru’s head spin, but all he knows is that it’s yesterday in the States and he doesn’t have to be anywhere for two whole days Japan-time. Two whole days of California, Jin, and freedom. Three things he never knew he wanted until right now.

Jin looks just the same as he had over the summer, maybe a little darker. Working hard at the beach, it seems. He has to be doing something productive, because he was so ridiculously excited to get the call that they could finally move forward with his American debut, but he looks as careless as ever as he sprawls across the hotel bed with the covers kicked to the floor and all four pillows squirming out of his clutches.

“Worst birthday present _ever_ ,” Maru says loudly as he flops down onto the bed and doesn’t stop bouncing. “Wake up, Akanishi. I can’t get my sexuality awakened in bed with you.”

It occurs to him exactly what he’d just said as Jin’s face turns up into a smirk. “Oh, I bet you could.”

Maru rolls his eyes and snatches Jin’s pillows. All of them, one by one until he has nothing to clutch and frowns like Maru had stolen his ice cream. Sometimes Maru thinks Jin is just a big kid in a twenty-seven-year-old’s body. But that’s also why he likes him.

He squeaks when Jin utilizes _him_ as a pillow instead. “Oh, calm down,” Jin hisses into his hair. “It’s just me.”

That is what inevitably relaxes Maru enough to lay still in Jin’s grasp. It’s just Jin. A very sleepy Jin with mussed up hair and big arms and remnants of last night’s cologne, who falls back to sleep clinging to Maru like he’s a big teddy bear. But it’s much more comfortable than the plane, and Maru finds his own eyelids getting droopy. He turns a little in Jin’s embrace and swears he can feel Jin’s smile against his scalp.

They nap until Jin’s phone rings, and what sounds like a foghorn spreads through Maru’s head. It’s Jin’s frustrated groan, followed by whining and grunting as he rolls away from Maru and tends to the caller. Maru stretches out onto his back and ignores how cold he is; must be the damned air conditioning.

“Okay, okay,” Jin’s saying into the phone. “I have a friend from Japan visiting me, so I’m going to bring him, too. Yeah, okay. See you.”

Maru frowns as Jin throws on a pair of jeans and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re seriously going out like that?”

Grunting, Jin squints at his reflection in the mirror. Both of his eyes aren’t even open. “It’s L.A., dude. Nobody to impress here. Let’s go.”

“But-” Maru protests, but Jin’s already grabbing his key card and sauntering towards the door. He rushes to at least comb down his hair before catching up with Jin, snagging two mints from the lobby on their way out.

Jin gives him a weird look as Maru forces one on him, then shrugs and pops it into his mouth. “You haven’t changed a bit, old man.”

And everything after that is in English. Maru’s introduced to a bunch of people whose names are hard to pronounce, but Jin’s voice easily rolls over the syllables and Maru’s actually impressed at how far he’s come. Five years ago, nobody thought that the resident idiot Akanishi Jin would be able to string a single sentence together in English, and look at him now. Maru feels an unprecedented type of pride from watching him interact with his American colleagues and handle his business, even if his head looks like a rat’s nest.

“Okay, Kamenashi,” Jin chides as Maru fixes his hair between meetings. “You really are gay, aren’t you?”

Maru starts to frown, but then some more people are introduced to him and they look unusually happy to see him. He recognizes the phrase “good-luck charm” as they talk rapidly to Jin, but Jin just waves them off and claps Maru on the shoulder in parting before disappearing into the studio.

Then he sings. Recording, it looks like. Maru doesn’t understand a single word, but he doesn’t have to. Jin’s voice along with the tone of the music is enough to convey the meaning, and Maru just smiles as he watches Jin do what he loves. Even if they’re not doing it together anymore, even if Maru doesn’t remember what it’s like to record with Jin.

“Hey, Yuichi,” Jin calls out over the speaker, breaking Maru’s reminiscing. “While you’re here, you should beat-box on my track.”

“Beat-box?” the sound technician repeats. “We can just add that in electronically, Mr. Akanishi-”

“He’s better,” Jin argues, and Maru burns at the praise. “Come on,” he continues in Japanese, his voice rumbling through the speaker. “Get your ass in here.”

Maru’s moving before his brain catches up with him, a small part of his conscience wondering if he’ll get in trouble for this, but by the time he has that thought, he’s already in the booth with Jin. Headphones are placed on his head and Maru nods along as they play the song once more, mentally pinpointing places where he wants to add in the voice percussion.

“Just do what you do best,” Jin says with a wink, turning to leave the room. “I trust you.”

It’s easy to lay down his beats, the bass line coming naturally just like it has for years, and for a second Maru forgets where he is.

“You know what we should do,” Maru hears one of the other people – Jin’s manager, he thinks – say, because she speaks _very slowly_ and enunciates. “Do a version of this song with just you and him. Vocals and beat-boxing. You’re right, Jin, he’s really good.”

Maru beams, and Jin raises a hand to point accusingly at him. “Ah, you understand!”

“Of course I understand,” Maru says into the microphone, in English. “I’m in third-year university.”

The Americans laugh at Jin and Jin gives Maru a promising glare as he returns to the booth. “It’ll be easier to do this together,” Jin tells him.

It takes a couple tries for Maru and Jin to be on the same beat, but Maru finds that if he keeps his eyes on Jin, he can predict when he’ll sing based on his posture and breathing. It wasn’t this difficult with Koki, because Koki and Maru have always been very rhythmic performers, but Jin seems to march to his own beat. It’s fitting, yet difficult to adjust to. By the third take, though, Maru feels its perfection in his bones and Jin’s grin expresses his agreement.

“Don’t worry,” Jin tells him after they wrap up for the day. “I fully plan on compensating you.”

“Not with your awakenings, I hope,” Maru replies. “That’s prostitution.”

“It’s only prostitution if there’s money changing hands,” Jin points out, and Maru tries not to wonder how he knows this. “Besides, not everything is about sex.”

Maru gives him a dubious look as they duck into a hamburger place on Hollywood Blvd. The burgers are bigger than Maru’s head and could probably be equated with a mind-blowing orgasm if he stops to compare them, but all he can do is stare in awe at how big Jin can open his mouth.

“What?” Jin asks, mid-chew, and Maru cringes a little at the sight. “Don’t watch me eat like a creeper, dude.”

“Don’t fellate your lunch, then,” Maru replies calmly, and Jin nearly chokes. “Just saying.”

Jin coughs a little, then recovers. “Who are you and what did you do with Naka-whatever?”

“I left him in Japan,” Maru replies, remembering what Kame had told him as he finds his courage in this foreign place. “So where’s the party at?”

Jin’s face grows into a smirk, and this time Maru looks away before he inhales more meat.

*

He may not have much experience in this department, but Maru’s pretty sure he’s not supposed to be thinking right now. He has one of Jin’s sluttier male friends in his lap, exact orientation unknown but definitely includes gay, judging by the way he’s licking the inside of Maru’s mouth like it’s an exceptionally tasty ice cream.

And Maru’s totally not into it. He’s not repulsed, even when this guy grabs his hand and puts it right on his crotch; in fact, Maru’s a little in awe at how it feels to touch someone else’s erection. He focuses more on rubbing it than kissing, which seems to suit his companion just fine (what was his name again? Bryan, Ryan… Dylan, maybe), but Maru’s as limp as a noodle until he blinks his eyes open and catches sight of Jin across the room.

He’d worked with Jin for a long time, sharing beds and onsens and even clothes. He’s seen everything Jin has to offer, and, thanks to Jin’s complete lack of censorship, is very aware of what he likes in bed. But he’s never quite seen it with his own eyes, watched Jin’s hands slide up the skimpy top of some girl who looks like she should be doing this for a living, his mouth all over her face and neck as he grinds against her under the pretense of dancing.

Bryan-Ryan-Dylan chuckles into his mouth and Maru realizes with horror that he’s hard, _now_ , not from this rather attractive redhead who’s molesting him but from _Jin_ , his friend, and Maru prides himself on not freaking out. He just nods when Dylan (he’s pretty sure it’s Dylan, and even if it’s not, he bets Dylan doesn’t give a shit _what_ Maru calls him as long as he goes to bed with him) whispers something in his ear, something that has a propositional tone to it, and Maru just wants to get out of there.

He must look as terrified as he feels when Dylan wrangles him into an abandoned room, because he looks up into soft eyes and a gentle hand pets his hair. “Jin told me it’s your first time, don’t worry, I’ll go slow,” he hears, and suddenly Maru doesn’t want to just do it and get it over with anymore. That may have worked for Kame, but Maru’s not Kame and he can’t just let this stranger into his pants no matter how much he tries to psyche himself out about it.

“I can’t-” he starts, and Dylan frowns. “It’s not you,” he tries, but he can’t put together the syntax to finish his thought, not that he would if he could. It’s not polite to tell the person you’re making out with that you’re thinking of someone else, after all.

But Dylan just rubs the front of his pants and Maru’s eyes roll back into his head; trauma or not, he’s really worked up over it. “Relax,” Dylan says. “Let’s just mess around then.”

Messing around seems like a better idea with each squeeze of Dylan’s hand on his cock, and somehow he finds his way back into Dylan’s mouth and subsequently his pants. He’s average sized, fitting nicely in Maru’s hand, but he can’t push the comparison out of his mind. Maru hasn’t seen Jin hard before, but he wonders how big he is, whether he’s loud or quiet when he’s getting jerked off, if he sweats right before he comes.

“Fuck, you’re good at this for a newbie,” Dylan tells him, and Maru wants to shoot back the obvious – he has one of his own, after all – but then Dylan’s lurching and spilling over his fingers and it’s the strangest sensation to feel another man’s cock erupt in his hand.

“Sorry,” Dylan goes on, and Maru _knows_ that Jin wouldn’t talk nearly this much. “It’s been awhile. Let me make it up to you, yeah?”

Maru doesn’t know what he’s talking about until he disappears from view, his hand replaced by a mouth and a moan tears from his lungs as he gets the second blowjob of his life. The first was a sweet girl who was trying to get Maru to like her, and Dylan is way better than she was. Maru’s brain automatically returns to Jin sucking down his hamburger – maybe he could suck down a dick well, too, and Maru’s twisting his fingers into Dylan’s hair and rocking up into his mouth within the minute.

Then his mind goes back to Jin and that girl, hips rolling together on the dance floor, and Maru pictures them doing it horizontal with less clothes. It’s easy to imagine Jin in the heat of passion, first on top of the girl and then on top of Maru, his fantasy becoming more shameless as he gets closer to release, and he has to bite his lip to keep from calling out the wrong name. Not that “Dylan” would be much better, since come to think of it his name may even be Kyle, but Maru doesn’t want to do anything that will stop this before he’s ready.

And he’s ready, mentally extending Dylan’s hair between his fingers as he pictures Jin bobbing up and down on his cock, sucking him hard and fast until he tightens his grip and cries out in a warning. He expects Dylan to lift up and finish him off with his hand, but his mouth is still there as Maru comes and thrusts a few more times before he’s spent.

“Oh, god,” Maru breathes, flinging his arm over his face as he comes down and tries not to feel like a complete asshole.

“Boys do it so much better, don’t we?” Dylan asks as he sidles up to Maru, who just nods. His voice is really annoying now.

Jin wouldn’t want to talk afterward, either, and Maru finally admits to himself that he has a problem.

*

“Wait, what?” The static crackles along the line, and Maru moves around the balcony for better reception. “How drunk are you?”

“I’m not drunk!” Maru hisses into the phone. “You have to help me, Kazu. I can’t stop thinking about him.”

Kame hums into the phone. “This isn’t good.”

“I _know_ ,” Maru replies. “And to make it worse, I wasn’t even into it until I saw him with some girl across the room.”

“Oh, dear,” Kame says. “How can someone so straight be such a fag magnet?”

Maru kind of wants to bash his head in the door, but that would definitely wake Jin up. “This isn’t exactly the kind of awakening I came here for, Kazu.”

“Okay, okay, calm down.” Kame pauses, presumably trying to think of something helpful. And failing. “I think you should tell Jin.”

“ _What_?!” Maru nearly screeches. “Are you crazy?”

“Yes,” Kame answers simply. “Look, it’s _Jin_. He’ll probably be flattered. Who knows, maybe he’s ‘open-minded’ enough to indulge you a little bit.”

“Indulge…” Maru repeats, his body very approving of this idea.

“‘It’s not gay if your balls don’t touch’, or something,” Kame goes on, and Maru can almost see him shrugging. “He has this questionable bromance with Yamashita, anyway. Just tell him. The worst that can happen is that he just laughs it off and you don’t get any.”

Maru frowns as his attention drifts to the sleeping man inside. Like a creeper. “I don’t know.”

“At any rate, I have to go.” Kame sounds unusually chipper. “I get to play gay wingman tonight. Koki’s looking forward to making you do it, too, when you come back. Apparently I’m not available enough for him.”

“Gay wingman?” Maru repeats. “Do I even want to know?”

Kame sighs. “It’s stupid. I go up and talk to girls because I’m not a _tool_ , then he shows up and I’m all ‘oh, and this is my _friend_ ‘. After awhile, I leave and he gets laid.”

“That’s… nice of you,” Maru says.

“He pays me,” Kame says bluntly. “I am only a man. I can be bought with fancy dinners and shiny things.”

Maru wishes him luck and hangs up, then curses his life as he looks out over the Hollywood skyline. Jin’s room has a beautiful view; if Maru stays up any longer, he’ll see the sun rise. Four o’clock in the morning makes for a very clear mind, making him feel more awake than he should after minimal sleep the night before. He’d hardly had anything to drink, and despite being many hours ago, he was still pleasantly numb from his orgasm. In fact, he’s getting a little hungry.

The door sliding open nearly scares him out of his skin, but he can’t decide whether it’s from the shock or Jin. The only thing really scary about Jin is his hair, though, which looks a bit like a troll doll as Jin stumbles out onto the balcony and flops into the lounge chair, fumbling to light a cigarette.

Maru watches him smoke and feels his nerves singe with arousal. Yeah, he has it bad.

“So did you like Corey?” Jin asks casually, and Maru nearly slaps his hand to his face. _Corey_. “He seemed really into you.”

“He wanted to get into me,” Maru scoffs, and Jin chokes on his drag in laughter. Four a.m. brings no shame. “I wouldn’t say I liked him, but I let him… we did stuff.”

Jin catches his breath and takes another drag, the white smoke billowing lazily out of his mouth. “Yeah? How was it?”

“It was okay,” Maru says. It’s not exactly a lie. “It felt strange, touching another guy.”

“But it was good?” Jin prompts.

Maru thinks about this. He wasn’t grossed out, far from it, actually. He was more intrigued than anything, and of course he couldn’t stop thinking about Jin the whole time. And Jin is also a guy. “Yeah,” he concludes. “It was good.”

Nodding, Jin slouches in his chair, paying no mind to how his robe comes unraveled. He’s wearing clothes underneath, but they’re just boxers and his legs are spread enough for Maru’s attention to waver. “Corey gives really good head.”

Maru’s so preoccupied that he doesn’t hear the words right away, then chokes on his spit. “What?!”

Jin’s laugh is deep, rich, and his hooded eyes cut towards Maru in interest. “What?”

“You…” Maru begins, sputtering as he puts his thoughts together. “You’ve done that…”

Jin shrugs as he takes another drag. “It’s not a big deal. A mouth is a mouth in the dark.”

Maru just gapes at him, and Jin laughs again. “You are so sheltered, Yuichi.”

Now would be the ideal time for Maru to yank that cigarette right out of Jin’s mouth and show him ‘sheltered’. To straddle his wide legs and show him exactly what he was imagining while ‘Corey’ was going down on him. To make Jin move against him like he’d moved against that girl.

But he does none of that, just stands there and stares at Jin while he smokes, looking entirely too sexy with troll hair and ugly plaid boxers.

“Come on, ass casanova,” Jin teases, and Maru rolls his eyes until Jin puts out his cigarette and flings a heavy arm around him. “Let’s go to bed.”

If only.

*

It’s well into the afternoon when Maru wakes, squished between a really soft mattress and a really hard Jin. Not just with body mass, either – Maru squirms at the feeling of an erection against his leg, which only makes it worse.

Jin’s faint moan is like an instant switch, overriding all of Maru’s thought processes except for one. It gets worse as Jin hugs him tighter, harsh breath against Maru’s neck as Maru arches into him. This is exactly what he’s wanted all weekend, maybe earlier, maybe forever, and he’s fully prepared to give Jin whatever he wants to take.

And then Jin wakes up.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Jin grumbles, rolling off of him completely and shaking himself. “I was dreaming, fuck. I just… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Maru hisses through his teeth, unable to keep the bitter out. He’d been so close.

Jin jumps up and trips over everything possible, including his own feet, as he crosses the room and disappears into the bathroom. Immediately the shower starts running, and Maru’s imagination goes wild with visions of what Jin’s doing to himself in there. He doesn’t have to make up dimensions anymore; he’d felt it all and just thinking about it has him rock hard. He considers waiting for Jin to emerge and showing him, blaming him for it and seeing what he’d do, but Maru’s not that brave.

He’s also not that patient, shoving his hand into his pajama pants and pulling himself off in record time. He manages to clean himself up well enough with the hotel tissues, but he’s still breathless when Jin walks out in a towel and decidedly _not_ looking at Maru. His face is flushed all the way down to his chest and Maru feels aroused all over again as Jin’s wet hair drips everywhere.

“Shower’s free,” is all Jin says, and Maru rushes to take the hint before Jin whips off his towel.

After that, their visit is sufficiently awkward. Staying in the room is not an option, but Jin had arranged to take the day off to spend with Maru, so they walk aimlessly around Hollywood without really talking. If it had been any other time in their friendship, the silence between them would be comfortable, but _Jin’s_ the one keeping his distance, and Maru doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jin so freaked out about anything in his entire life.

They’re eating cream puffs in a little shop by the mall when ‘Rescue’ comes on the speakers, and they both snort in laughter. Jin ends up with cream on his nose and Maru tries to point it out, but Jin doesn’t quite follow and Maru just reaches over to get it himself.

Jin stares at him, meeting his eyes for the first time all day, and Maru feels a little uneasy. “Jin?”

“Let’s go to the beach,” Jin says suddenly, grabbing Maru’s arm and dragging him right onto a bus. It’s crowded and they have to stand, squished close enough for Maru’s face to be buried into Jin’s hair and Maru thinks this is the epitome of torture, being so close to something he can’t have. He breathes a sigh and Jin tenses, turning another way and Maru feels even worse for making him so uncomfortable.

Santa Monica is busy, too, but there’s much more space to have a private conversation. Maru looks wistfully up at the boardwalk, wanting to check it out, but he wants to talk to Jin more. And regardless of the scenery, he doubts Jin brought him here to see the Pacific Ocean. Maru can see that in Japan.

“It’s weird, I’m sorry,” Jin says first, and Maru rushes to shake his head. “Stop, please let me talk.”

Maru hugs his knees and stares out into the ocean, giving Jin his privacy.

“I like girls,” Jin says, nodding as he speaks like it’s giving him strength. “They’re soft and sweet and cute and I like their high-pitched voices and dresses and… bodies. I’ve always loved girls and this is what makes it impossible to be with a man.”

Screw his privacy; Maru’s neck turns so fast that he almost gives himself whiplash. “Jin?”

“I like boys, too,” Jin goes on. “They’re hard and rough and I like their deep voices and broad chests and… other parts.” He coughs, clearly stalling. “I don’t _care_ , really. I mean, whether it’s a boy or a girl. I’m fine either way, it’s just…”

Maru waits a second, then prods him. “It’s just…”

“I’m not gay enough for the boys,” Jin says with a laugh. “I don’t have the same interests and hobbies as most of the gay community and while they still like me enough to fool around, none of them will actually date me because I like girls, too. And as for the girls, as cute and sweet as they are, that’s not really what I want long-term.”

“I had no idea,” Maru says slowly.

“You wouldn’t,” Jin replies. “It’s easier to just tell everyone I’m straight. Since I’ve never had a proper relationship with a guy… well, aside from Kame.”

Maru coughs. “Kame?”

“Oh, he hardly counts.” Jin leans back on his hands and looks up at the sky. “It was a million years ago and the poor guy was all confused. I offered to help him figure things out, physically, and it turns out I liked it, too. I don’t even think it can actually be called a relationship, because it was over within a day. We were watching TV and I commented that an actress was hot, so clearly I wasn’t serious about him. He probably still thinks I’m completely straight.”

“I don’t think -” Maru starts.

“You know, it’s not like I want both at the same time,” Jin goes on, and Maru falls silent. “I’ve had a threesome, okay, and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I am attracted to both, but I get on better with guys. Girls are necessary for a family, though, so I figured I could just settle. I’ve actually resigned myself to this fate for a few years now, and then…”

“And then?” Maru questions.

Jin sighs. “And then you came out to me.”

Maru swallows. Hard. “What do I have to do with any of this?”

“Everything,” Jin says, his hands making fists in the sand as he builds up to his next sentence. “Because once I realized I liked boys, I couldn’t stop looking at you.”

The waves crash against the shore as Maru’s heart drops to his knees. “Me?”

Jin laughs. “You were so cute, back when we were young. You were the oldest but always getting picked on. I liked picking on you because it was so easy. You just went along with it, no matter what, no matter how scared you were. I respected that about you, too.”

“Jin…” Maru trails off. He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t even think right now.

“And then we grew up.” Jin takes a sharp breath, spreading the sand around with his hands. “And you were still cute. Sexy, in that nerdy way. I like that, I guess. And you’re so talented, I mean, you can do anything. Like, it wasn’t just a crush, I don’t think. I don’t know, I just wanted to be near you, to be someone important to you. A friend, at the very least.”

“And now?” Maru asks, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. “Now that you know that… how I am, what now?”

Jin flops onto his back, bringing his fingers onto his stomach to play with them. “Last night I fucked a girl while thinking of you and got off harder than I ever have before. And I feel like an asshole for it.”

“Last night your friend blew me and all I could think about was you,” Maru confesses, feeling his face heat up at the admission. “And this morning, I didn’t want you to stop.”

“Yuichi,” Jin says quickly, flinging an arm over his eyes. “God, I didn’t want to stop, but I can’t do this with you. I can’t have a repeat of Kame, it’ll break my heart. I cherish our friendship _so much_ and I don’t want to chance losing it over something stupid like me wanting to see Ke$ha naked.”

Maru makes a face. “Would you actually do it?”

“Look at her naked? Hell yes.” Jin lifts his arms and squints at the late afternoon sun. “But I wouldn’t _do_ anything with her, you know, if I was in a relationship. I don’t do that shit. I’m faithful.” He breathes deeply. “That’s what makes it so hard being with girls, because I still want a _man_ , you know. But not in the reverse. And especially not with you.”

“Jin, I’ve known you since you were a dumb teenager,” Maru tells him, his words coming in a rush. “I know how fiercely loyal you are. Maybe not to our group, but well, that can’t be helped. I miss you, more than I can ever say, but this is important to you, so I support it. I feel that way about everything you do. I’ve always cared about you, Jin, and I just want you to be happy.”

“I want to be happy,” Jin says. “I _am_ happy. Fuck, I’m living my dream. I’m going to debut like next month. It’s going to be huge. I still can’t even believe it, that I’m here doing this and it’s only the beginning.” He pauses. “But still, I want someone to share that happiness with, you know? And not just a friend – you know how I am. I’m a lover. I want someone to _love_.”

Maru’s heart aches so much that his eyes want to tear up, but all he does is reach for Jin’s arm. The brief touch has Jin’s skin rising in tiny goosebumps, a visible shiver coursing up his spine with no breeze in sight. Maru feels a sense of power from making Jin’s body react this way with a simple touch, his fingers lightly grazing the hairs standing on end as Jin sits up and looks at him expectantly.

It’s that look that decides Maru’s course of action, because everything in Jin’s eyes is pleading for him to not let it end like this. Tomorrow morning Maru will get on a plane back to Japan and return to Kame and his gay misery club, which isn’t nearly as appealing as bringing Jin back with him in his heart.

“I don’t know much about these things,” Maru begins. “With girls or boys, or love. What I do know is that… I want you.”

Jin licks his lips. “Yuichi-”

“I know what I’m getting into,” Maru interrupts him. “I trust you. And I’m not Kazuya, or a teenager. I don’t care if you look at girls as long as I’m the only one who can touch you.” He grabs onto Jin’s arm a little tighter. “And you should probably stop me before I say anything el-”

Jin stops him with his mouth. It’s like he’d been on the edge of his seat, waiting for the word, and once Maru gave it, he snapped. His hand is clammy and sandy on Maru’s face and it’s the best touch in the world because it’s accompanied by Jin’s lips against his, pressing firmly with what feels like an exhale of relief through his nose. They break apart only to come back together, over and over again, and when Maru opens his eyes, the sun is setting.

“So about that sexual awakening,” Maru murmurs against his lips, and Jin trips over himself as they run for the bus.

*

Once they’re back in the hotel room, alone, Maru swallows and starts to feel nervous. He jumps when Jin’s arms embrace him from behind, a chin resting on his shoulder as Jin presses flush against him.

“It’s just me,” Jin whispers, and even his faint voice has Maru shuddering in his hold. “If you want to stop, no matter how far we’ve gone, I will.”

What Maru wants is to turn around and kiss him senseless, stumble over to the bed and finally _be_ with him, but Jin’s lips graze the back of his neck and Maru feels it in his toes. He’s frozen, unable to move unless Jin makes him, and Jin’s hands are busy lingering at his waist.

“Jin,” Maru says, and Jin grunts into his neck. “I don’t want to wait anymore.”

“Me neither,” Jin replies, and Maru remembers that Jin’s wanted this longer than him, specifically _with_ him, and he feels warm inside. “But I also don’t want to rush.”

Jin’s hands slide up Maru’s chest, bringing his shirt with them and Maru lifts his arms for Jin to pull it off. Maru starts to turn around to return the favor, but Jin keeps him where he is and soon his shirt joins Maru’s on the floor. Then he presses against Maru’s back and Maru leans into it, skin to skin, Jin’s heartbeat evident as he holds him close.

“I want you to be the one to lay me down,” Jin says, and Maru tenses. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell you everything you need to do, but I really want it this way. It’s what I’ve dreamed about for years.”

“Okay,” Maru answers, throwing aside his nerves to throw Jin onto the bed. Jin’s looks shocked at first, then his eyes take on this dark, heated expression and Maru can’t get close enough, crawling on top of him and fusing their mouths together while their bodies entwine.

Jin’s hard against him and it’s a million times better than this morning, especially now that Maru can roll his hips up and draw out a moan from Jin while he’s awake. Very awake, rocking up against him and both sets of hands go for the other’s belts at the same time, kicking off the rest of their clothes until there’s nothing separating them anymore.

“There’s lube in the drawer,” Jin says, his voice much lower than normal. “A condom, too, if you want one. I used one last night, but you know. You can’t be too careful.”

“Don’t talk about last night,” Maru grumbles as he stretches for the drawer, dropping the items onto the bed next to them a little too forcefully. “Ever.”

Something flashes in Jin’s eyes, but Maru doesn’t see it for long before Jin pulls him back down, his legs spreading enough for Maru to fall between them and feel _everything_. Jin’s cock is hard against his and it’s easy to just move like this, groaning at the friction and how good it feels to be like this with _Jin_. There’s nothing at all uncomfortable or disturbing and Maru is so into it that he can’t focus on anything else, his life in Japan a distant thought in comparison to Jin right here with him.

Jin reaches down to touch him and it’s electric, those fingers stroking him from base to tip and Maru’s next moan includes Jin’s name. Jin kisses him harder and lifts his legs higher, invitingly, and it’s Jin who retrieves the lube and opens it, coating three fingers of Maru’s right hand with it.

“I think you can figure out where they go,” Jin hisses, biting his lip as Maru trails his slick fingers up Jin’s thigh. “One at a time, you have to gradually stretch me enough to take you.”

“Jin,” Maru says, feeling a little anxious as he approaches the opening. Jin jumps at the initial contact, but remains still as Maru pokes one of his fingers inside. It’s so tight, even with just one finger, and Maru doesn’t know how he’s going to fit _anything_ in there. “Jin, have you done this before?”

“Yeah,” Jin replies, hissing through his teeth in his effort to relax. “Not that much, though, I guess being bisexual automatically pegs me as a top. It takes a certain amount of – ah – trust to let someone do this to you, too.”

“Jin,” Maru says again, completely rethinking his prior assessment in this department. “Shut up.”

“Shut me up,” Jin replies with an ornery smirk, and Maru kisses it off his face. He sweeps his tongue along Jin’s and Jin’s body undulates into his touch, accepting a little more of him and Maru manages to slip in a second finger before he clamps down again.

Maru’s so worked up that he’s thrusting into Jin’s hand, gasping and moaning until it suddenly disappears, making him jab Jin a little harder than he should. But it has Jin arching off the bed, moaning out into the otherwise silent room, and he stares at Maru incredulously like he’d done whatever it is on purpose. He hadn’t, but this time he does, pressing his fingers against that spot that is like a button for Jin’s arousal.

“Oh, my god,” Jin mutters, his hands practically kneading Maru’s shoulder blades from the pressure. “Hurry up, Yuichi.”

“Tell that to your body,” Maru replies. “You’re so fucking tight.”

Jin grins. “That’s so _dirty_.”

“Shut up,” Maru says again, his face burning up, but then Jin’s right by his ear.

“You can do it a little harder. I can take it.”

Maru’s complying before his brain even fully processes the words, pressing in the third finger and moving them in and out. He hits that spot again and Jin arches, crying out, and it’s so hot that Maru forces his eyes open to watch it, Jin trembling beneath him with need.

“Yucchi,” Jin manages to get out, looking up at Maru through his very hooded eyes. “Please fuck me soon, I want it so ba-”

He’s cut off by Maru’s mouth and this kiss is breathtaking, leaving Maru so overcome by passion and vigor that he has no qualms about opening the condom packet and rolling it on. He has to withdraw his fingers from Jin in order to do it, and the whine Jin emits tastes sweet. He takes his time putting more lube on himself, groaning from the contact, and Jin’s knees are already lifted to his chest when Maru moves to enter him.

“Jin,” he gasps, but then he’s pushing inside him and can’t speak anymore. Jin tosses his head back and all Maru can reach is his throat, pressing open-mouthed kisses against his skin and looping his arms around Jin’s thighs as he slowly sinks all the way in.

“Fuck yes,” Jin hisses, his hips rolling back to take Maru in even deeper, and Maru doesn’t know how he’s lived his entire life _not_ being inside Jin. He pulls out almost all the way and thrusts back in, snapping his hips and they both moan, the beautiful noise clouding Maru’s mind.

“Okay?” is all he can get out, holding Jin as close to him as he can manage like this isn’t close enough, and Jin almost knocks him in the face with the force of his nod. “Hey, I’m right here.”

“Sorry,” Jin gasps, lifting his head enough to capture Maru’s mouth, and Maru rocks into him even harder when their tongues touch. Jin’s nails dig into Maru’s back and Maru thrusts deeper, knowing he hit that spot when Jin clenches around him and makes a beautiful noise, and Maru can feel the tremor that shakes his whole body from it.

It’s unbelievable how Maru feels right now, like he’s finally found where he’s supposed to be after a lifetime of searching, and it took him until he was twenty-eight to find it. Kame was wrong – it _is_ possible to be gay and happy in Japan. Maru’s just a little late, as usual. He’s making up for it now, just like he will every other chance that they have to see each other from here on, no matter how rare that may be. He’s waited this long to be happy in love, he can wait awhile longer to have Jin all to himself, or at least in the same country.

Love. As soon as Maru thinks it, he feels it, and his actions are accompanied by a thick haze of feeling that he can only define as love. Each movement inside Jin brings them closer, not just to release but to each other, and it takes them even higher when Jin shoves his hand between them to stroke himself. Maru groans at the increase in pressure as he struggles to push through it, and he can’t bring himself to break their kiss even though they’re both just breathing heavily and moaning into each other’s mouths now.

Jin’s hand is flying up and down and Maru wants to halt him, at least regulate it at a slower speed because he doesn’t want this to be over yet, not at all. But Jin’s shaking and letting out a faint moan with each breath and it’s beautiful, Maru’s eyes peeking open in time to watch him come. He feels Jin jerk beneath him and a splash of something warm on his chest and Maru can’t hold back anymore, pounding into Jin with everything he has and banging the headboard against the wall from his force.

“You’re so fucking hot right now,” Jin says, completely voiceless, his hands trembling as they reach up for Maru’s face. “I love you so much.”

And Maru breaks, the worry and tension leaving him along with his orgasm, leaving him completely boneless, breathless, and careless as he flops on top of Jin with no intention of moving anytime soon. Luckily, Jin doesn’t seem to care, just wrapping his arms around Maru and clinging to him as they both come down.

“I love you, too,” Maru says, and he means it from the bottom of his heart.

They fall asleep like that, holding onto each other, and morning comes entirely too soon.

*

“I still can’t believe you two are _dating_ ,” Kame says, wrinkling his nose as he precariously pinches tinsel onto the tree.

“You jealous?” Jin replies, wiggling his eyes until he pokes himself with an ornament hook.

Kame makes a disgusted face and Maru elbows Jin in the side. “No offense, Yuichi, but that’s all yours.”

“Thanks,” Maru says dryly, glaring at Jin as he misses yet another hook. “Give me that.”

“We didn’t think you were going to make it this year,” Ueda says to Jin, wearing a very large, very sardonic grin that tells Maru he’s up to no good. “Glad to see you could tear yourself away from the fame and fortune to join us.”

“Yeah, it’s a hard life,” Jin replies, punching knuckles with his old leader. “Where’s your old lady at?”

Ueda presses his lips into a line. “Not here, or he would kick your ass for calling him my old lady.”

“I doubt that shrimp can kick anyone’s-” Jin starts to say, then stops short at a glare from Ueda.

Koki turns to look at Taguchi with grateful eyes. “I’m so glad you exist, Taguchi.”

“Why, so you’re not the only straight one in the group?” Taguchi replies without looking up from his phone. “Why does it even matter? They’re in love, don’t hate.”

“Give him time,” Jin says quietly, and Maru snorts.

“Presents!” Ueda declares, and Maru knows all at once why he’s so damn happy. “I know it’s early, but I experienced great _pleasure_ in picking out yours, Yuichi.”

“Oh, this is going to be good,” Jin says excitedly.

“You mean it’s not a dirty book?” Maru gasps, feigning shock. “I brought my Kindle and everything.”

Ueda’s grin is positively evil. “You don’t need a book for these, dear.”

Carefully, Maru opens the box to find a set of silver beads, which Jin instantly snatches and admires in awe.

Across the room, Kame chokes on his drink. “Tatsuya!”

“What?” Ueda replies innocently. “You act like I didn’t get you the same thing when you came out.”

Kame’s face turns bright red and he busies himself with the tree.

Suddenly Jin’s face takes on an expression of recognition. “ _Oh_ , well, that’s not really a present for Yuichi then, is it?”

“Things I never wanted to know for 400, Alex,” Koki grumbles.

Taguchi just shakes his head and keeps texting. “Don’t worry, Koki, one day you’ll find someone we can buy you embarrassing kinky gifts for. By the way, Tatchan, Rena loves the edible underwear. Do they make it in pomegranate?”

“So what color are your balls, Kame?” Jin yells, holding up the beads in case anyone was confused. “Are they silver… or _blue_?”

“Go back to America,” Kame calls out from behind the tree. Now he’s doing the bows. “I’m returning your present tomorrow.”

“Aw, you actually got me something?” Jin asks with a genuine smile, but Maru just tightens his arm around Jin’s shoulders. “And I think your N has something to say about me leaving so soon.”

Kame peeks out from behind the tree and pouts at the sight of Maru clinging to Jin. “Okay, that’s adorable.”

“Aw,” Taguchi says, looking up from his phone long enough to grin at them. “I’m really happy for you two.”

“Thanks,” Jin replies, and Maru’s caught off-guard by a kiss. It’s innocent enough, but then Jin leans over to his ear and whispers something _filthy_ involving the beads, and Maru flushes so obviously that he has no doubt that everyone in the room has a good idea what he said.

Ueda sighs. “Another Christmas, another OCD tree.”

“My tree is not OCD,” Kame snaps, then adjusts a bow that’s not level to the one on the other side.

“This is why you’re single,” Jin points out.

Kame narrows his eyes at him.

“Jin, be nice to Kame-chan,” Koki drones. “He’s not anal, just picky.”

Jin lifts an eyebrow in question, and Kame fails at hiding his smile. Busted.

When they get back to Maru’s apartment later, Maru gingerly unwraps Koki’s present – a Kindle – and uploads ‘The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio’ to it. According to Jin, Maru doesn’t need it, anyway.


End file.
